


Man or a Monster?

by happyxwalsh



Series: Season 3 [10]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Murder, depressed Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 14:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16389857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyxwalsh/pseuds/happyxwalsh
Summary: Connor finds himself in the same situation again, another murder, but this time he’s the murderer.





	Man or a Monster?

_You can’t take back the damage you’ve done_  
Oh, you can hide but you can’t run  
No, you can’t take back the damage you’ve done  
Afraid of what you might become  
A man or a monster

_\- Man or a Monster by Sam Tinnesz_

                   -•-•-•-

Screams echo throughout the house, Connor’s hands shake has he steps back and sees what he had done. Their client is lying dead in a pool of his own blood, because _he_ killed him. The law student struggles to speak, all of his words have been choked out of him. He stands breathlessly, aching. “What- what did I do?” He starts breaking into tears and crumbles to the floor.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. You were only protecting me,” Michaela attempts to calm him, while the rest of the K5 remain silent. They’ve never seen Connor so... _broken_ before. They can’t help but sympathise with him, “Look, we need to somehow make it seem like the guy skipped town. Laurel and Wes, you dispose the body; Asher, you pack his stuff wearing gloves and shove it into his car. I’ll take Connor home because I don’t think he can handle anything else, got it?” She grabs ahold of the fragile man, and doesn’t let go as she guides him to the car. Tears continue to fall off his face; the image of what happened won’t go. The guy had been lying to them the whole time, once they called him out on it he tried to kill Michaela. He charged at her with a knife, but Connor grabbed a dumbbell and watched another body drop. Blood splattered all over him, and a part of him is convinced it’ll never wash off. He’s right, it will _always_ be there.

Michaela nervously taps her nails on the steering wheel, while waiting for the red light to turn green. Connor stares out the window, silently crying. He desperately wants to call Oliver and just talk to him for awhile. _‘But I can’t call him. It would be selfish. He’s moved on and doesn’t love me anymore. So I shouldn’t expect him to be there for me,’_ the younger man thought that for a long time. Somehow, it kept overlapping itself over and over until they arrive at Michaela’s.

Connor covers himself up, so the security cameras won’t pick up the blood stains on his clothes. His best friend keeps him close to her, and helps him into her home. The younger man manages to make it to Michaela’s bedroom to change. His hands tremble, as he tries to avoid any spots where his fingers would come in contact with blood.

Once he’s in his hoodie and sweatpants, he crashes under Michaela’s duvet. She’s letting him have her bed for the night and she’ll stay with him till he’s asleep. “I know this is a dumb question, but are you okay?”

“Not even a little bit. I’m a- a fucking monster,” Connor heavily cries into Michaela’s pillow. His best friend climbs onto the bed with him and hugs him tight.

“No you’re not. You saved me and I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m going to help you through this,” she mumbles into his back.

“You can’t. There’s _no_ hope for me,” the broken man cries for another couple hours, until he tires himself out and falls asleep.

By the time Asher gets back, it’s 2am and his girlfriend is waiting for him. “Hey, how is he?” Asher peers through the bedroom door, with concern plastered on his face.

“Not good. I think he won’t be going into work for a while, but we’re not leaving him alone so I suggest we take turns babysitting him. I just can’t bare to let him be by himself.”

“Sounds like a plan. Maybe you should go first. He’d probably appreciate having you there more than me tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” she looks back at Connor sleeping and sighs, “he deserves so much better than this. We all do.”

The next three days go slow for Connor; he remains stuck in his depression and feels every painful second of it. Michaela tries to cheer him up, but nothing seems to work. She thought about calling Oliver for advice, then realised Connor would hate her if she did. Not that Oliver hadn’t been worried about him.

He’s wanted to ask Michaela where he is since the first time the younger man didn’t show up. The only reason why he didn’t is because he didn’t want to appear possessive with his ex boyfriend. That worry began to fade, after the third day he didn’t show. So, he buckles up and asks. “Hey, wait up!” He power-walks over to her, before she leaves, “is Connor okay? I don’t want to pry, but I’m really worried and I just need to know.”

“A few days ago, something really bad happened and now he’s depressed. At first, I only thought it’d last for a day. Yet, here we are. He hasn’t spoken in about two days... if anyone can get him to open up, it’s you. Can you please help him?” Oliver doesn’t even think twice about it. Of course, he drops any plans to go help him. He never stopped loving him. Even if he could, he wouldn’t want to.

  
The older man gets anxious, as soon as he walks through Michaela’s front door. He hasn’t got any idea what he’ll say to Connor. In the entire time they’ve known each other, he never couldn’t get out of bed because he’s been deeply depressed. All Oliver is certain of is that it’s going to hurt to see him in that state.

Connor lays under the duvet, curled up in a tight ball. His eyes are red with exhaustion and pain. He’s aware of Oliver walking in, but he can’t speak. All of his words had been twisted up and locked away. They’re all broken, just like him.

“Hey,” The hacker begins, making the hairs on Connor’s neck stand up. How he’s missed that familiar sound, “I, uh- I was worried about you, so I came to see you,” Connor stares into space for a few more seconds, until he breaks down in sobs. He knew he didn’t deserve Ollie, but somehow he got lucky enough.

While he lets all of his pain out, the older man rushes over and wraps one arm around Connor’s waist and the other around his shoulder. The law student hides in the comforting warmth and tugs on Oliver’s sleeve to get him under the duvet too.

With calming shushes in Connor’s ear, he begins to calm himself down. They stay snuggled up in each other for what feels like forever, until Connor hoarsely whispers out, “I killed someone.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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